"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
