I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
