Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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