I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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