found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
