haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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