ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
