if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
