I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize