You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
