after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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