You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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