i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
