I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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