He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize