SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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