I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
