Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
