i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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