im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
