Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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