Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
