so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We have so much sex to catch up on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
