I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
