Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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