wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
