apparently the secret to your success is patron
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
