I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
