My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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