Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
