She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
