Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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