The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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