Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
