porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
