I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
