Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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