Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
