I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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