Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
