morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize