I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
