You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
