He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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