Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
