Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize