forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
