I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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