So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
