I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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