the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
