Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sober January is a disaster.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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