we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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