i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Operation Purity has been aborted
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
