Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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