Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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