I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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