I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
