right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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