I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this boner is exhausting
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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