Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
