he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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