Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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