I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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