Im at strip club and am horny
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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