I just threw up on my dentist
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
