i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
