yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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