No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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