my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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