I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
