I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
