she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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