Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
