if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
