So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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