Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
