That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
