After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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