I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were trust falling into bushes
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