It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
