so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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