Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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