it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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