we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
