She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
